Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
