OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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