Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
