I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
