Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
