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Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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