Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
