Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
