it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
