i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
