Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
40s are totally the cure
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
