I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
