Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
