It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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