i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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