I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
