i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
