So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
