I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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