Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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