Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
