I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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