I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize