I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
