I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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