Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
