Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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