This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
