I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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