Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
