a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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