I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's just like the Real World with babies
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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