Plan B is the new Plan A
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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