If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
