i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
