if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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