I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
