he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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