i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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