Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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