I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
