My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
