Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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