So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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