i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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