I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize