just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
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turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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