please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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