dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
