Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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