you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
