i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
