Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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