I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
