weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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