I'm going to jail i love you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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