just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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