just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
