i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
