Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
