Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
