Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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