i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
