I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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